one-legged king pigeon

Cycling is great for the legs. It’s not bad for the rest of the body—remember Oppy’s fabulously strong thumbs?—but it’s not likely to sculpt an eye-catching torso.

Although the arms are connected to the bike, they, and the back, and the abs, do bugger all. In fact, above the waist, only the brain does anything much. And so it should: it should be abuzz, assessing traffic, and solving all of life’s problems.

Someone asked Lance what he thinks about on long training rides. Pedalling, he replied. Indeed, the brain needs to focus on pedalling.

Anyway, for 18 months I’ve been visiting the gym. I’m not sculpting the upper body so much as firming it up. I do nothing there that I can’t do outside with a dog. I don’t get on a treadmill and watch television when I can walk the dog and look at trees.

I prefer the classes. I tried body balance—an hour of tai chi, Pilates and yoga—but my inflexible body isn’t even on the grid for exercises called Downward-facing Dog and One-legged King Pigeon. Zumba is all the rage but I’m too old for public sexy dance. The pacifist in me can’t deal with classes called Combat or Attack.

Pump is my thing—repetitive exercises using light weights on a barbell that build strength and endurance. Each set of muscles gets a five- to six-minute workout and Katie, Kirsten and Sim, my gym’s lovely instructors, keep me motivated. I would do anything for any of them … but they never ask.

The warm-up is gentle. Next is squats. My cycling legs aren’t sure what to make of the 80 to 100 squats involved. Should I ride before or after Pump, or not at all on gym days?

The tracks I concentrate on are chest, back, triceps and biceps. Lunges are the killer exercise for me, and for most men, Katie tells me, and women hate the biceps routine. I jump on a stationary bike during the shoulder track to honour the motorbike I wrote off—along with my left shoulder—on 3 February 1983. Abs and stretches end the session.

As one of my training aims is weight reduction, I climb onto the scales every Tuesday after pump. Last week I registered 93.8kgs and this morning my weight comes in at 92.2kgs. I don’t feel any difference on the bike, but this new figure is good.

The afternoon becomes evening becomes night becomes dawn and I ride 33kms around the northern fringe of town at 26.9kph. I wash bike clothes, reorganise the laundry, and arrive at work at 9:05.